$700 Billion Bailout from the Banker (us) — Deal or No Deal?

Hey politicians — get a grip, buddy! This stuff is worse than a migraine epidemic in a hen house. The up-side, the down-side or not making it through the weekend. Presidential politics, regular politics and corrupt politics. We need to give Freddie and Fannie more money, or buy their loans (that's right — you and I) to keep this tainted paper from rotting in its own quagmire. While we're at it, let's (remember, I'm talking you and me, the tax-paying sons-or-daughters-of-a-gun) buy up Billy or Susie's, Frank or Holly's. Surely their loans are better-qualified, if they have any. 

I was in Texas several years ago and heard this jewel: "We will loan you 125% of your home's value." As a proud graduate of U.S. Grant High School, I scratched my head and almost had a mental freeze (like when you eat ice cream too fast). Why would anyone loan (or borrow) 125% of the value of almost anything? A home would be over-valued for at least five years if the value went up 5% per year. All I can say is, let the pit boss smoking the big cigar hand you the dice and hope you can roll like a sailor on shore leave!

The best bet is to be like the CEOs of the failed corporations and get big bucks for driving that sucker right into the ground. Long-term inflation, stagnant residuals, shareholders' pain, T-bills — it's not funny, but it sounds like the side effects of all those drugs they advertise on TV. They are good for something, but the side-effects will kill you.

This mess has been forming so long before the politicians actually did anything that we would have had 9,248 alerts from Gary England (if he was doing the financial crop warnings). Oh, no, we had to worry about the extinction of polar bears (which are more numerous now than ever before) or fighting big tobacco but not outlawing it because the taxes on cigarettes, cigars and dippers give the polecats (political polecats) some more money to squander.

Did you know the "Big Bailout" contains money for car people, pay-offs for student loans, and other assorted stuff NOT related to the home loans? Thanks to you (your money, that is), a lot of people will sleep tonight and go out and make the SAME LUNKHEAD finance choices next time. Are you ready to give them some more of your money? Will you have any left?

I guess we could have called the Help Line and talked to a guy in India named Habib to get the real technical answer to solve the problem, but we would miss the "Thrill of Victory and the Agony of the Politicians." Gee, Beaver, it's just like Eddie Haskell giving you the business. He doesn't mean it — he's just trying to be a big shot!

* * * * * * *

Check your heating system before you need it. It needs cleaning every year for maximum performance, and energy prices will be HIGH this winter!

Father's Day in Culture Town

Gosh, I don't know what's wrong with our culture, society or general everyday living space. The week before Father's Day on the search engine Lycos, guess what the rankings by search terms were? They have a Top 50 list every week.

• Let's start with #1 — Lindsay Lohan. What a train-wreck personality! 

• Or #2 — YouTube (which could be anything from a gospel song, performance, or a mouse riding a cat riding a dog riding in a Hot Wheels car being pulled by a pig in the Garlic Day parade.

• Then there's more floozies, actresses or models than you can shake a stick at: at #3 Kim Kardashian; #4 Megan Fox; #7 Paris Hilton; #8 Jessica Alba; #10 Angelina Jolie (whatever?); #12 Pamela Anderson; and #16 Jessica Biel.

• Surprising — coming in at #5 was Naruto (no, it's not a natural way for men to grow hair on a bald head). It's the Japanese animated whatever, like a smart-aleck show-off Ninja punk.

• Then who would have thunk it? Our old pal (not the American Idol) Clay Aiken is #6. Why, why, WHY????

• At #9, 13 and 14 respectively, were Pokemon (the franchise lives on $$$), Facebook (I guess there's not enough pictures of sloppy drunks or 50ish men claiming they are "sensitive" and 40) and MySpace (so yesterday, it's beyond imagination).

• For the practical (or web thieves), there was BitTorrent at #15, the cool way to move files and media. Practical at #15 is a surprise!

• Then all you sports fans come in with Boston Celtics at #17 and Golf at #18, which should be HUGE, I would think (Father's Day week and golf at a lowly #18?). Both are behind the sports leader on Lycos, WWE at #11. (Well, maybe professional wrestling isn't a sport, per se, but there's lots of physical activity and a lot of sport watching the people who are watching the WWE.)

All this is to say that feminists, sit-coms, comedians and society have put down fathers, so last week Father's Day came out at #19. What a shame. Next year I'll be checking out the Mother's Day ratings on Lycos. At least Dad beat out Poker (#22), Coco Crisp (#36) and Hillary Clinton, who didn't even make the list (how quickly we forget!).

If you're buying or selling a home, call me — "That Real Estate Guy".

Artsy, Fartsy — Where's the Food?

It seems like a zillion years since I first started attending the OKC Arts Festival in the 1970s. Its old location on the front grounds of the Civic Center Music Hall was quite the surprise back then once a year for winos and bums (before they became "homeless and indigent").

There are so many different formats of art such as paintings, sculpture, pottery, jewelry, baskets, woodworking and leather to gander at. My personal picks are all the nostalgic-type paintings with old Oklahoma City landmarks highlighted, such as the Tower Theatre, Hollie's Drive-In, churches and Broadway Street in the 1930s.

Now for the truthful part — WE ALL REALLY GO FOR THE FOOD. Sure, the artists or even members of the several great bands or soloists think it's about them, but IT'S THE FOOD! Maybe Strawberries Newport is remembered the most from the early years until now, but it's not the Lone Ranger. Bread bowls with beef burgundy, shish-kabobs, plus one that needs no introduction — Indian Tacos. Or maybe here is where you tasted your first blackened chicken sandwich or fish taco.

It's tradition, by golly — it's tradition to search for the NEW FOOD on the food tent block, and this year for me it was Pork Loin on a Stick, glazed with apple cream sauce and served with sweet potato fries (yes, it has the potential to push your cholesterol number higher than your house address). I must say it was a divine choice, if I do say so myself.

Today I was hosting an open house, where 12 guests have visited. To paraphrase Mark Twain, "The rumors of real estate's death in Oklahoma have been greatly exaggerated."

Let's buy and sell, and I hope you are well.