Saturday, December 27, 2008

2008: Year of the Fish Bait (as the Chinese name them)

Yeah, 2008 smells, stinks and reeks of crooked politics, greed and idiot's disease running rampant. Congress spent money the last few years like drunken sailors on leave. Companies ran up stock prices with Wall Streeters soaking it for millions, then begging for help like college kids gone wild. Crime is on the upswing everywhere, but on a positive note, President Bush kept us safe from terrorist attacks.

Loads of natural disasters, like flooding in the Midwest (but we'll just build back in the same place, assuming it won't flood again). Housing markets, property values and shady mortgage loans caused lots of problems. Well, guess what, folks? Some people shouldn't own a home! Our poor are so well-off compared to other countries. Food stamps with (cell phones, big or multiple TVs, computers, internet access and junk food).

Enough downer stuff — what else happened this year? Well, the closing (or moving) of one of my beloved icons, Yankee Stadium, was almost overshadowed by one of its players, A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez) being of the married person kind, whose little peccadillo of DATING another married high-profile type, Madonna (what Britney Spears wants to be when she grows up — the poster lady for explaining the need for foster children). Did they think nobody in New York would notice?

As they used to say, "Jimmy the Greek won't touch them odds" pertaining to the alleged safest bets for 2008:
  • Patriots (undefeated) will beat the Giants in the Superbowl
  • Hillary Rodham Clinton is a "lock" for the Democrat presidential nominee.
That, my friends, is why they call it a bet.

People screamed and cursed adamantly that Sarah Palin wasn't qualified but those same "progressives" are now saying Caroline Kennedy is qualified to be a US Senator, mostly because of her parents. Shoot, then — let's make the case for Chastity Bono. Her parents were famous, had a lot of money, knew all the "beautiful people," her father was a Congressman and a mayor, her mother has been to a zillion countries worldwide. Put her in a dressy flannel plaid shirt and Chastity Bono will hit the ground running.

When Russia invaded Georgia this year, Jimmy Carter had to fly back to Atlanta in hopes of saving the peanut farms, only to find out that (as usual with him) his calculations were a few thousand off.

Paul Newman passed on this year — I didn't like his politics, but his food is good and the foundation does positive stuff. Speaking of stuff — George Carlin also passed on, but his routine about "stuff" was a classic (or for you younger people — LOL!).

Things never got bad enough for Forbes magazine not to notice the fictional side of wealth. Forbes named the top 15 fictional wealthiest people, with #5 Thurston Howell III, #4 Scrooge McDuck, #3 Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks (got his during the Depression), #2 Richie Rich, and (drum roll, please) #1 Santa Claus (who'd have thought he could beat out Gordon Gekko?).

I hope your Christmas was merry, and have a Happy New Year 2009 — Year of the Lug Nut.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Merry CHRISTmas, for God's sake, people...

Now then, let's have a reality check. Christmas does after all have the word CHRIST in its midst, but several groups and people in a slight minority have been on a campaign to take the word out. 

The American Humanist Association (was it hard for them to find each other, because there's not one of their buildings at major corners of every town in the US of A, like churches?) has a campaign in Washington, DC with pithy statements on public buses like "Why believe in a god?" (lower case theirs, not mine — for lightning purposes). "Just be good for goodness' sake." They say the reason is because the agnostics, atheists and other kinds of non-theists feel a little alone during the "holidays" because of its association with traditional religion.

I may be an Okie from the old ages (I can remember the '60s, but in a somewhat purple haze), but isn't this like saying you're rolling a fruitcake tin on an oil leak trail to find a sweet used car?

Say it, just spit it out — MERRY CHRISTMAS! Years ago, everyone said it. We respected our Jewish friends and others, but they knew we extended our humanity to them because of the CHRIST in Christmas was in our spirit, giving us a gentle nudge when we needed it.

I'll admit that we've let commercialization take over and rule. One sad note is the Wal-Mart employee being crushed needlessly. Or children being torn apart among numerous parents and grandparents. Out among us are silly things exasperated by the cloak of the season.

Plus, the Christmas season is full of interesting events, stories and melon thumpers. Take for instance the baby Jesus in a nativity scene outside a church that was stolen, but tracked down because of a GPS chip implanted in the infant. What kind of hot seat in hell do you get on the front row for heisting the Heavenly Father's Son? That dude's gonna glow in the dark for eternity!

Have you heard about the Santa Claus-suited nut job that got caught shoplifting, then used counterfeit money to pay his bail? Who said the District Attorney's office doesn't chase bad checks (or phony cash) in a quick, timely manner to seek recovery?

Another Santa was spotted breaking into a home and told the neighbor that he was doing a surprise like a "singing telegram", but of course was LYING and set the alarm off.