Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thanksgiving Means Be Thankful, or Be a Turkey

This 2008, I'm thankful for a lot of things — good, bad and minuscule:
  • I'm thankful for Snickers bars with almonds, because that's a taste combo that I crave sometimes.
  • I'm thankful that most little kids see me as a grandfather figure, and not a spooky monster.
  • I'm thankful that I didn't grow up to be a proctologist (even though my mother would have wanted a doctor)
  • I'm thankful that I didn't (as I once thought about) pursue a career in professional wrestling — my figure wouldn't be very sightly in tights.
  • I'm thankful I live in a country where I have plenty to eat and DON'T have to eat brussels sprouts for any reason.
  • I'm thankful my neighbors don't have a pit bull or a barking, yelping or moaning dog.
  • I'm thankful the big fashion "must" is NOT wearing polka-dot ties.
  • I'm thankful leftovers (food) don't have a mind of their own and form a union which makes you eat them until they are all gone.
  • I'm thankful that football and basketball are in HD now, so I can see their goofy tattoos in such detail.
  • I'm thankful that Abraham's Onion Burgers is going to re-open on North Western (like I really need a greasy onion burger and fries).
  • I'm thankful for all my family, friends, God's love, the people who provide our safety (the troops in our Armed Forces, police officers, firemen, healthcare providers), and for America, the greatest country in the world.
  • I'm thankful most of all that you're reading my blog — yeah, this blog — and I hope your Thanksgiving was the best ever!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

There Is No Recipe for Leftover Chocolate

Give me your word, and then I'll let you in on the world's most highly kept secret. That's right, I trust you with this closely-guarded, cherished bit of classified info.

Gold, diamonds, stocks, bonds or currency are not the most valuable forms of exchange — no, our world runs on chocolate. All other wealth barometers like the Gold Standard, oil prices of resources, and money from all countries are smoke screens to hide the amount of chocolate that trades hands in the entire world. Kings (more so, their wives), queens, world leaders, PTA presidents, or your own wives, are all run by the effects of chocolate.

You may be saying, "He's a conspiracy nutball," but let me convince you. Think about who it affects, my friend — women, men, women, children, women, businesswomen, orphans, women, mothers, women, and all those who've tasted this addictive elixir of brain-sensor-triggering sweet or bittersweet substance. It's a worldwide conspiracy, with the key players going for dominance of the world. Let's take a look at the culprits: Godiva, Hershey, Nestle, Mars, Ghiradelli, Swiss, or numerous candymakers that are vying for world to-choco-tarianism

It's more addictive than meth, worse than a heroin junkie, and the number of choco-addicts is greater than the millions of ciggie smokers. As the plot thickens, let me explain the craftiness of these perpetrators. Chocolate for Valentine's, fudge, or Christmas bells/Santa Claus chocolate figures in catchy aluminum wrappings, hollow chocolate bunnies for Easter (do you see a pattern here?), sold and given to each other like lemmings running off a cliff.

How can chocolate affect you? Well, it makes grown women cry, yell, throw things or slam phones (and that's just lady Realtors). Guns are pulled, knives are waved, combs or brushes wielded, or even pepper spray shadow of use can make most people give over the chocolate. If you've ever seen the wild fire in a lady's eyes who's coming for the chocolate, you've seen SATAN (you've been warned, my friend, you've been warned...). 

Don't think this war is like the cheery little M&M characters — we're talking all sorts of devious worldwide covert operations. The CIA (Chocolate Intelligence Army), which you probably thought meant something else, will stop at nothing to spread their addiction and control.

Why am I writing this, you ask? Think about all the chocolate exchanged for Halloween this year and tell me I'm a "conspiracy wacko". Now they've got your kids, unless you took all the chocolate away and left your kids with the orange or black wrapped peanut butter candies. Don't laugh — mean mothers are hooked that bad. Just remember that vanilla is the most-sold flavor of ice cream worldwide. Why? Because you put chocolate sauce on it, my friend, because you put chocolate (hot fudge) sauce on it.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Eat-less in Seattle

My, oh, my! After all these years, the Glenster finally got to go up Seattle way. Been to Vancouver, which was outta-sight (bet you hadn't heard that in awhile!), but never to Seattle, which had me lusting for a visit after watching "Elvis at the World's Fair" as a mere lad.

Plus, as an avid watch of the Travel Channel, Food Network and internet roaming, my taste buds were exploding with curiosity before I ever reached the cab from the airport. All your friends bombarding you, telling you the seafood, salmon and wine are off the charts in Seattle — but I was on a "mission" to find more.

First off, the one place jumping off everyone's charts (Rachel Ray's Picks, America's Best Doughnuts, Phatt Frank's Hall of Fame, and a client from Seattle) is Top Pot Doughnuts, with its classic choices of just the old standby regular doughnuts and rolls, but done right with melt-in-your-mouth toppings. Not 50,000 choices, but 12 really, really good ones.

Of course, the coffee is fantastic, because in Seattle almost everyone's coffee is fantastic. I got my picture taken outside the first Starbucks, but didn't buy ANY Starbucks in Seattle because the rest of the coffee places are so good.

Fresh produce is plentiful everywhere, like the marvelous food at the Steelhead Diner. Updated comfort food as your choices, done with a quirky flair (bigger amounts than one person can [should] eat), presented appetizingly, so share with somebody. 

Speaking of comfort food, check out the Icon Grill with its rich history, downtown location, and menu they bill as "aroused Americana", showcasing the Five Cheese Macaroni & Cheese (feeds three people as a side dish), On-the Spot Fried Chicken or the Northwest Mix. Nice atmosphere with eclectic decor for a quiet, enjoyable dinner plus decadent dessert surprises. Get the refrigerator dolly to cart your friend out, while you're both smiling!

Maybe Asian fusion done with seafood jump-kicks your starter. Wild Ginger has some mean grub — shrimp, scallops or lobster blended with the freshest veggies in unforgettable sauces, prepared fresh just for you. Rice and lip-licking pot stickers done to perfection create a speed bump of taste for the cool after-work crowd which will slow them down every time. 

Speaking of speed bumps, the traffic is really bad in Seattle. If you don't believe me, check out the safety cones! On the way to a fantastic neighborhood Italian bistro, Machiavelli Ristorante, the highway bridge comes into play over railroad tracks, but it's a hip little area like the Paseo District in OKC.

As you can see from my pic, taking a rest chillin' out after the Experience Music Project (Jimi Hendrix museum) was a hard task because of the pressure of picking the next place to eat. Plus, remembering the time I dragged my best buddy, Randy Allison, to see Jimi Hendrix at OU in the late '60s. It was good and loud — a lot better than Randy's usual musical fare of the Lettermen or Fifth Dimension soft pop mushy jibberish.

It was a great trip — the fable of my introduction to "high tea" will be another entry...