Are you Deep-Fried or Slow-Roasted?

Well, supposedly everything fried is bad for us. Being from the South (Southwest or South, if only being pegged for food purposes), our whole goal in life is to fry things. Throw it in some hot grease, lard or bacon fat and FRY that sucker!

Grandma's fried chicken, Uncle Fred's fried catfish or Aunt Wanda's fried pies are near and dear to our hearts. OK, I'll breeze by chicken fried steak, but how about the deal with veggies? We can't just eat our veggies, but have to fry okra, squash, green beans or even green tomatoes.

Upscale, downscale, diners, drive-ins or dives all have their version of assorted fried main dishes, side dishes or even desserts. How much crud of cholesterol can you cram in the ol' pipes without getting a "major stoppage"? The better the taste, the worse it probably is for us. If it's a two-paper-towel soaker, then you've died and gone to "Southern heaven". 

The State Fair is a smorgasbord of fried food just reaching out like the Sirens luring sailors to crash on the rocks. Yes, you are right — everything we can think of can be baked or broiled. Oh, yes, it's going to be good for you, but the taste is not the same. It's just not the same to dip a B or B piece of food into a decadent cheesy dip or thick, succulent, creamy, dripping, rich, calorie-laden and spicy sauce. You may be healthy, but can you answer these questions? Have you:

• Tongued a fried banana?
  
• Tasted a fried pickle?
  
• Popped in a fried tater tot?
  
• Peaked on a fried peach?
  

Some people from different parts of the country don't even know what okra is or tastes like. Up until the last few years, I thought we had exhausted the prospects of foods to fry, but now we have more choices. Our new beta-blocker bombs are fried Twinkies (they're not your light treat anymore), fried Snickers bars (frying and chocolate — who would have thunk it?) or fried ice cream (being a C student in chemistry, I thought this was impossible).

Death on a stick is a Pronto Pup (corn dog), Long John Silver's fish-flavored fried bricks, or now they have fried pizza. What will be next — fried M&Ms, fried crab dip or fried watermelon? (It's a Southern thing, you know!)

Have you tried fried jalapeños, onions and bell peppers mixed together? This is great! Try Papa Dio's local restaurant on N. May for fried cheese — it's heavenly. A lot of people are hooked on Outback Steak House's "Bloomin' Onion" with the dipping sauce. Another big fan pleaser is fried Chinese food from places like the Grand House on NW 27th and Classen. I didn't mentioned fried eggs (because I don't know if your brain is on drugs or not).

Make a friend — find some skinny person this week and take them out for some fried food! Tell them that if they order something healthy, they're not riding home with you.

Plant a flower, plant a tree, plant a friend — they'll bloom for life!

Oh, by the way — if you know someone buying or selling a home, have them call Glen Ray.