2008: Year of the Fish Bait (as the Chinese name them)

Yeah, 2008 smells, stinks and reeks of crooked politics, greed and idiot's disease running rampant. Congress spent money the last few years like drunken sailors on leave. Companies ran up stock prices with Wall Streeters soaking it for millions, then begging for help like college kids gone wild. Crime is on the upswing everywhere, but on a positive note, President Bush kept us safe from terrorist attacks.

Loads of natural disasters, like flooding in the Midwest (but we'll just build back in the same place, assuming it won't flood again). Housing markets, property values and shady mortgage loans caused lots of problems. Well, guess what, folks? Some people shouldn't own a home! Our poor are so well-off compared to other countries. Food stamps with (cell phones, big or multiple TVs, computers, internet access and junk food).

Enough downer stuff — what else happened this year? Well, the closing (or moving) of one of my beloved icons, Yankee Stadium, was almost overshadowed by one of its players, A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez) being of the married person kind, whose little peccadillo of DATING another married high-profile type, Madonna (what Britney Spears wants to be when she grows up — the poster lady for explaining the need for foster children). Did they think nobody in New York would notice?

As they used to say, "Jimmy the Greek won't touch them odds" pertaining to the alleged safest bets for 2008:

• Patriots (undefeated) will beat the Giants in the Superbowl

• Hillary Rodham Clinton is a "lock" for the Democrat presidential nominee.
  

That, my friends, is why they call it a bet.

People screamed and cursed adamantly that Sarah Palin wasn't qualified but those same "progressives" are now saying Caroline Kennedy is qualified to be a US Senator, mostly because of her parents. Shoot, then — let's make the case for Chastity Bono. Her parents were famous, had a lot of money, knew all the "beautiful people," her father was a Congressman and a mayor, her mother has been to a zillion countries worldwide. Put her in a dressy flannel plaid shirt and Chastity Bono will hit the ground running.

When Russia invaded Georgia this year, Jimmy Carter had to fly back to Atlanta in hopes of saving the peanut farms, only to find out that (as usual with him) his calculations were a few thousand off.

Paul Newman passed on this year — I didn't like his politics, but his food is good and the foundation does positive stuff. Speaking of stuff — George Carlin also passed on, but his routine about "stuff" was a classic (or for you younger people — LOL!).

Things never got bad enough for Forbes magazine not to notice the fictional side of wealth. Forbes named the top 15 fictional wealthiest people, with #5 Thurston Howell III, #4 Scrooge McDuck, #3 Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks (got his during the Depression), #2 Richie Rich, and (drum roll, please) #1 Santa Claus (who'd have thought he could beat out Gordon Gekko?).

I hope your Christmas was merry, and have a Happy New Year 2009 — Year of the Lug Nut.

Merry CHRISTmas, for God's sake, people...

Now then, let's have a reality check. Christmas does after all have the word CHRIST in its midst, but several groups and people in a slight minority have been on a campaign to take the word out. 

The American Humanist Association (was it hard for them to find each other, because there's not one of their buildings at major corners of every town in the US of A, like churches?) has a campaign in Washington, DC with pithy statements on public buses like "Why believe in a god?" (lower case theirs, not mine — for lightning purposes). "Just be good for goodness' sake." They say the reason is because the agnostics, atheists and other kinds of non-theists feel a little alone during the "holidays" because of its association with traditional religion.

I may be an Okie from the old ages (I can remember the '60s, but in a somewhat purple haze), but isn't this like saying you're rolling a fruitcake tin on an oil leak trail to find a sweet used car?

Say it, just spit it out — MERRY CHRISTMAS! Years ago, everyone said it. We respected our Jewish friends and others, but they knew we extended our humanity to them because of the CHRIST in Christmas was in our spirit, giving us a gentle nudge when we needed it.

I'll admit that we've let commercialization take over and rule. One sad note is the Wal-Mart employee being crushed needlessly. Or children being torn apart among numerous parents and grandparents. Out among us are silly things exasperated by the cloak of the season.

Plus, the Christmas season is full of interesting events, stories and melon thumpers. Take for instance the baby Jesus in a nativity scene outside a church that was stolen, but tracked down because of a GPS chip implanted in the infant. What kind of hot seat in hell do you get on the front row for heisting the Heavenly Father's Son? That dude's gonna glow in the dark for eternity!

Have you heard about the Santa Claus-suited nut job that got caught shoplifting, then used counterfeit money to pay his bail? Who said the District Attorney's office doesn't chase bad checks (or phony cash) in a quick, timely manner to seek recovery?

Another Santa was spotted breaking into a home and told the neighbor that he was doing a surprise like a "singing telegram", but of course was LYING and set the alarm off.

We say MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Thanksgiving Means Be Thankful, or Be a Turkey

This 2008, I'm thankful for a lot of things — good, bad and minuscule:

• I'm thankful for Snickers bars with almonds, because that's a taste combo that I crave sometimes.

• I'm thankful that most little kids see me as a grandfather figure, and not a spooky monster.

• I'm thankful that I didn't grow up to be a proctologist (even though my mother would have wanted a doctor)

• I'm thankful that I didn't (as I once thought about) pursue a career in professional wrestling — my figure wouldn't be very sightly in tights.

• I'm thankful I live in a country where I have plenty to eat and DON'T have to eat brussels sprouts for any reason.

• I'm thankful my neighbors don't have a pit bull or a barking, yelping or moaning dog.

• I'm thankful the big fashion "must" is NOT wearing polka-dot ties.

• I'm thankful leftovers (food) don't have a mind of their own and form a union which makes you eat them until they are all gone.

• I'm thankful that football and basketball are in HD now, so I can see their goofy tattoos in such detail.

• I'm thankful that Abraham's Onion Burgers is going to re-open on North Western (like I really need a greasy onion burger and fries).

• I'm thankful for all my family, friends, God's love, the people who provide our safety (the troops in our Armed Forces, police officers, firemen, healthcare providers), and for America, the greatest country in the world.

• I'm thankful most of all that you're reading my blog — yeah, this blog — and I hope your Thanksgiving was the best ever!
  

There Is No Recipe for Leftover Chocolate

Give me your word, and then I'll let you in on the world's most highly kept secret. That's right, I trust you with this closely-guarded, cherished bit of classified info.

Gold, diamonds, stocks, bonds or currency are not the most valuable forms of exchange — no, our world runs on chocolate. All other wealth barometers like the Gold Standard, oil prices of resources, and money from all countries are smoke screens to hide the amount of chocolate that trades hands in the entire world. Kings (more so, their wives), queens, world leaders, PTA presidents, or your own wives, are all run by the effects of chocolate.

You may be saying, "He's a conspiracy nutball," but let me convince you. Think about who it affects, my friend — women, men, women, children, women, businesswomen, orphans, women, mothers, women, and all those who've tasted this addictive elixir of brain-sensor-triggering sweet or bittersweet substance. It's a worldwide conspiracy, with the key players going for dominance of the world. Let's take a look at the culprits: Godiva, Hershey, Nestle, Mars, Ghiradelli, Swiss, or numerous candymakers that are vying for world to-choco-tarianism. 

It's more addictive than meth, worse than a heroin junkie, and the number of choco-addicts is greater than the millions of ciggie smokers. As the plot thickens, let me explain the craftiness of these perpetrators. Chocolate for Valentine's, fudge, or Christmas bells/Santa Claus chocolate figures in catchy aluminum wrappings, hollow chocolate bunnies for Easter (do you see a pattern here?), sold and given to each other like lemmings running off a cliff.

How can chocolate affect you? Well, it makes grown women cry, yell, throw things or slam phones (and that's just lady Realtors). Guns are pulled, knives are waved, combs or brushes wielded, or even pepper spray shadow of use can make most people give over the chocolate. If you've ever seen the wild fire in a lady's eyes who's coming for the chocolate, you've seen SATAN (you've been warned, my friend, you've been warned...). 

Don't think this war is like the cheery little M&M characters — we're talking all sorts of devious worldwide covert operations. The CIA (Chocolate Intelligence Army), which you probably thought meant something else, will stop at nothing to spread their addiction and control.

Why am I writing this, you ask? Think about all the chocolate exchanged for Halloween this year and tell me I'm a "conspiracy wacko". Now they've got your kids, unless you took all the chocolate away and left your kids with the orange or black wrapped peanut butter candies. Don't laugh — mean mothers are hooked that bad. Just remember that vanilla is the most-sold flavor of ice cream worldwide. Why? Because you put chocolate sauce on it, my friend, because you put chocolate (hot fudge) sauce on it.

Eat-less in Seattle

My, oh, my! After all these years, the Glenster finally got to go up Seattle way. Been to Vancouver, which was outta-sight (bet you hadn't heard that in awhile!), but never to Seattle, which had me lusting for a visit after watching "Elvis at the World's Fair" as a mere lad.

Plus, as an avid watch of the Travel Channel, Food Network and internet roaming, my taste buds were exploding with curiosity before I ever reached the cab from the airport. All your friends bombarding you, telling you the seafood, salmon and wine are off the charts in Seattle — but I was on a "mission" to find more.

First off, the one place jumping off everyone's charts (Rachel Ray's Picks, America's Best Doughnuts, Phatt Frank's Hall of Fame, and a client from Seattle) is Top Pot Doughnuts, with its classic choices of just the old standby regular doughnuts and rolls, but done right with melt-in-your-mouth toppings. Not 50,000 choices, but 12 really, really good ones.

Of course, the coffee is fantastic, because in Seattle almost everyone's coffee is fantastic. I got my picture taken outside the first Starbucks, but didn't buy ANY Starbucks in Seattle because the rest of the coffee places are so good.

Fresh produce is plentiful everywhere, like the marvelous food at the Steelhead Diner. Updated comfort food as your choices, done with a quirky flair (bigger amounts than one person can [should] eat), presented appetizingly, so share with somebody. 

Speaking of comfort food, check out the Icon Grill with its rich history, downtown location, and menu they bill as "aroused Americana", showcasing the Five Cheese Macaroni & Cheese (feeds three people as a side dish), On-the Spot Fried Chicken or the Northwest Mix. Nice atmosphere with eclectic decor for a quiet, enjoyable dinner plus decadent dessert surprises. Get the refrigerator dolly to cart your friend out, while you're both smiling!

Maybe Asian fusion done with seafood jump-kicks your starter. Wild Ginger has some mean grub — shrimp, scallops or lobster blended with the freshest veggies in unforgettable sauces, prepared fresh just for you. Rice and lip-licking pot stickers done to perfection create a speed bump of taste for the cool after-work crowd which will slow them down every time. 

Speaking of speed bumps, the traffic is really bad in Seattle. If you don't believe me, check out the safety cones! On the way to a fantastic neighborhood Italian bistro, Machiavelli Ristorante, the highway bridge comes into play over railroad tracks, but it's a hip little area like the Paseo District in OKC.

As you can see from my pic, taking a rest chillin' out after the Experience Music Project (Jimi Hendrix museum) was a hard task because of the pressure of picking the next place to eat. Plus, remembering the time I dragged my best buddy, Randy Allison, to see Jimi Hendrix at OU in the late '60s. It was good and loud — a lot better than Randy's usual musical fare of the Lettermen or Fifth Dimension soft pop mushy jibberish.

It was a great trip — the fable of my introduction to "high tea" will be another entry...