Sunday, June 1, 2008

Pitch ’Til You Win!

We are an over-eating society, with Oklahomans at the head of the chute. Buffets, smorgasbords, all-you-can-eat, load ’em up nights, bottomless plate specials, endless choices and piles of pizza come at us like a freight train.

One of the busiest is Furr's Fresh Buffet on I-35 in Moore. Cars are parked on the grass, spilling out of the parking lot for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's been rumored that if you went all-out on all three meals in one day, that you'd explode or be on a Tums I.V. I'm not brave enough to try it out!

Now, to kick this food flood up a notch, Lambert's Café in Springfield, MO, combines devouring and dodgeball. This sport is buffet ball where your life, looks and appetite are tested to the utmost. Did I mention Lambert's is the home of "Throwed Rolls"? ZING! They just missed us!

That's right — the staff is wandering around with big pans of fried potatoes with onions, macaroni 'n' tomatoes, fried okra and black-eyed peas going through the crowd dipping spoonfuls onto your plate or wax paper constantly throughout your meal. The sneaky people in their red suspenders pile you up with food, food, mounds of delicious-smelling, eye-pleasing and tasteful Southern home-cooked favorites. All this in addition to your (so-called) "normal" order of an entree choice of such delights as meat loaf, chicken fried steak, chicken and dumplings or roast beef, with your choice of two of over 18 choices in side dishes. ZING! I think that roll grazed the side of my head!

Look over there — a young high school boy is running around the room, doing his best Brett Favre imitation. Zigging and zagging to avoid the lineman's rush and hurling a spiral (roll) to some unsuspecting gentleman on a seniors' bus trip. He misses the catch, but the roll never touches the floor so it's still in play.

Remember the guys in school that for some reason were never athletic enough to even catch any type of ball? Guess what? They still can't, and when they try to catch a roll, their wife or girlfriend gets pulverized with the tipped roll. I'm here to tell you, the Brett Favre wannabe can flat CHUNK those rolls!

Bring your appetites and maybe your old catcher's mitt. Good food — and prepare to loosen your belt!

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