Thursday, January 15, 2009

Let's Put the Lid on the Big Bowl

Well, sports fans, I'm writing this before the HUGE BCS championship game. Having this on Thursday night is a heart-wrenching exercise of conflict — not the game, but not being able to watch Grey's Anatomy live (some "former wives" told their spouses to DVR the game).

To get to this point, we had 34 Bowl games. Two things you didn't know before are 34 Bowl games and Oklahoma has 96 Indian casinos, of which none have a "Sports Book" to place a bet on any of these games. Probably somewhere there is a guy doing "free seminars" at the Holiday Inn for you to buy his DVDs and tapes on "How to Be a Successful Bookie" (testimonials on request).

Back on subject — you've been Oranged, Sugared, Papa Johned, Meineked, Emeriled, Gatored, and Chik-Fil-A-ed into a lathered-up frenzy. Except the Sun Bowl with Oregon State vs. Pittsburgh, whose score was 3-0 (even Gatorade was ashamed that they didn't just pour a cup on the winning coach), where they missed the coach with the water cooler.

I have three suggestions for Bowl season:
  1. They need to have the eHarmony Bowl, where a man and a woman meet online to get their tickets, plus be paired up. A long date of pre-game, going to the game together, and then an after-activity of their mutual choice. A lot can be ascertained this way — did he ignore her, or she him? Did he or she have to explain the game during a good part? Did they behave like little ladies and gentlemen? Remember, after any knock-down, please go back to your respective corners...
  2. Banning of all E.D. commercials during the games. Most guys over 25 are wishing they were young and back playing football themselves, not just watching it. Even if you have a "problem of extending past four hours", nobody is going to the hospital until the game is over.
  3. We need the "Little People's Bowl" because they deserve to play just like anyone else.
I hope you got a Slingin' Sammy Bradford shirt with his name written in Cherokee (rumor has it, you can walk across hot coals with one) or the Tim Tebow Towel, which lets you walk on water, plus it soaks up 10 times more than a normal chamois. 

Don't mourn the end of the Bowl season too much — "March Madness" is closer than you think!

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