Veal Oscar and Other Movie Delights

Many of my co-workers think I'm up on all the pop culture scene (it's taken years of manipulation), including the movies up for the Best Picture Oscar this year. This leads to a very devious game I play with them in my synopsis of a movie they haven't seen and have no knowledge of. This is my rundown for my peers, so they can seem knowledgeable to their clients (is this a great country, or what?).

Milk — This is an epic tale of the dairy ranchers vs. the soybean farmers in a battle for the range rights in the fertile valleys of California. Skulduggery galore in the race to get their milk, cows or soy to market in San Francisco in the 1970s, when a whole generation is drinking Coke to make the whole world sing in perfect harmony.

Frost/Nixon — This ramped-up action flick about secret agent Frost Nixon battling the bad guys from Bucharest to Bangladesh never has a dull moment. No sneaking out to the bathroom or making a popcorn run if you don't want to miss the excitement!

The Reader — Timeless tale of the office nerd who reads the instructions for the copier, manuals for software, the phone system guidebook, and networks computers in his sleep. As the office tumbles into a nightmare, only the Reader can get things back to normal, so people can look at Facebook, circulate rude e-mails and shop for homes on openhouseok.com. He saves the day with all his fellow slackers, and unproductivity levels are finally back to normal.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button — This one may be headed for the crown of a classic. Pixar had Cars, now we have the Button, a story in which a button named Benjamin falls off little Danny's jacket. A journey begins through numerous perils, unforgettable characters and zippy tunes for a must-see movie with your grandkids. You'll be humming these songs in the car before you know it!

Last but not least, my prediction to win the Oscar...

Slumdog Millionaire — A rapper in Philly named "Slumdog Doggy Bling" is forced to attend church with his mother and meets Shinaka, who captures his heart instantly, but shuns him after he stands her up for a lousy gig in Detroit. His third-level career as a rapper is going nowhere, but he wins a million dollars in the lottery by getting a ticket instead of change when buying smokes. After blowing all the money on carp, parties, bad CD deals and his posse, Slumdog is a kicked pup. Then and only then does he realize that all he really wants is Shinaka and a Roto-Rooter franchise. I won't spoil the ending for you...

So, I guess if any of my co-workers watched the Oscars, they were totally confused. As a correspondent of culture, maybe truth is stranger than fiction. Ask about our updated guide to Interior Design Fashion (love those lava lamps!).

See you in the movies...