Don't laugh or scoff yet! If you don't believe in extraterrestrial alien beings, I can understand — but what does it hurt to have a plan? There is a plan if the highway is blocked by a wreck, a bridge collapses, or a bomb threat is made. There is a plan if you overflow gas at the pump, or a toilet breaks in a hotel, or they run out of nacho chips at Taco Bell. Why would we not want an Alien Exposure Plan (AEP)?
This AEP shouldn't cost much, but let's at least have one. Chucky Cheese has a lot of plans. Even stupid bank robbers have a plan — not a good one perhaps, but a plan.
What if the aliens show up and we don't even have punch and cookies? What if you came this far and all you met were self-centered jerks that didn't have a plan? Couldn't you just look up in the sky and see (especially at night) that if somebody from up there comes here, don't I need a plan?
We are in luck — ol' Governor Brad Henry is a lame-duck governor, so he's the perfect guy to get our AEP started. Who cares if Oregon or Rhode Island has an AEP — we need to be the leader. Maybe Cleveland County should be the first county to have an AEP. If they showed up in Norman, there is not enough parking at the County Courthouse. If we are lucky, the aliens would know to go to the OU football stadium and get their pictures on the jumbotron.
Should our AEP include a meet-and-greet? Where do we tow them if it's a breakdown, or does Alien AAA cover it? Where do we put them up — at a hotel, motel or in private homes? Maybe the nearest bed & breakfast. Aliens probably don't know about bed & breakfasts — this gives us a chance to sneak up on them with the "Home Sweet Home" sweetness and homemade muffins. Muffins will get to the heart of their appearance.
Let's not make our plan too complicated, to overlook the obvious about our new friends. They won't speak Lebanese or French, so we need to have some Frank Sinatra music handy — everyone likes a little Sinatra. Finally, be sure and ask them if they need to freshen up a bit. After all, they may not have gone to the bathroom since Pluto.
I challenge Cleveland County to have the first AEP in Oklahoma, even if it means trying to find these aliens a can of Fresca.
If you catch yourself downtown in your car, go by Java Dave's on 10th St., just east of Broadway. Great locally roasted coffee, wireless access, baked goods, salads, sandwiches and desserts. A snack, quick lunch, or late night cup of joe. (It's just north of Bricktown, but easy to park.)
PS: The Pope recently said it's OK to believe in aliens. Maybe he knows something we don't......